Crazy

A place of compasion and love for life I wonder why I am at a space where I feel unlovable.  

Do you really know my sick and twisted thoughts?  Do you really know my deep down fears?  Do you really know every secret I hold inside of myself?  Do you know every insecurity I have?  I am so lost in myself.  I am so confused of who I am.  I hold it all in cause I know that if you really know who I am than you will not like or accept me.  I feel so alone and so different from the rest of the world.  I feel so isolated from the human race.

Some say GOD.  Some say be who you are.  Some say meditate.  Some say......

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG.................................

So alone

reaching out to god and being shown

that I am lovable in spite of my self

allowing others to see my shelf

where I hide

my inner stuff

cause I only want you to see my fluff

the parts that I think you want to know

I am terrified to show

you me

cause than you will see

the good the bad and the ugly

Reaching Out

This picture says it all for me...

A space of pain 

With a mind going insane

Spinning out of control

My heart needs to grab a hold

Intellectually it all makes sense

But the intellect never seems to rest

The heart screams to be understood

The mind is a bad neighbor hood

The answer is to reach out

To trust in my fellow man

It feels like a fight another bout

But deep in my heart I know I can

GOD speaks to me 

Looking with in I can see

A choice

From that small silent voice

GOD is that you?

What do I need to do

Reach for one of my other GIFTS

My hand lifts

My head begins to bring back some intellect

The voice in my heart gets louder

GOD puts the mind in check

And my spirit than gets prouder

Standing tall

I will not fall

Cause I am in the hands of you

With GOD and those that knew

My inner fight

with self

with GOD I just might

place my fears on the shelf

For all to know the real me

Reaching out

Is the first step for you to see

Because GOD spoke quietly, He didn't shout

"Written Freestyle Off the Top of my HEAD"

My Deepest Fear

My deepest fear is that I am afraid to be alone.  I don't mean the physical but the alone of the inner connection to life.  I woke up this morning asking GOD to direct my attention and to show me that he exists cause the truth is that I really don't believe that GOD is working in my life.  I mean I know that GOD is everything on an intellectual level but internally down deep inside my heart I struggle to believe that GOD is there.

HHHHMMMMMM...........................

It sounds like my deepest fear is that there really is no GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!